"What happened? What's with the delay in expressing?"
Have you ever heard, don't make any decision when you fell you're currently a sinner?
I made an excel sheet just like when I used to do when i was a kid , you will colour the box to green if you done it, perform solah, istikharah, al-quran etc. But all the green coloured box will automatically turned to red if you have done something considered as not inevitable sin, then you need to start again.
I promised to myself, if i manage to make 60 days green box, i will make the decision. Yes, it sounds silly. But this wont happen if i could keep istiqamah keeping the box green.
For the record,49 days was the best i had but unfortunately the remaining 11 days couldn't wait.
Another lesson was i didn't let her know my plan.
Then, i remember these words sent by mom.
"Good girl for good boys. Maybe you're not good enough, be a better saliq".
Yes, your mum's words beat any other words found on internet.
Let's aim bigger, 90 days green box. Pray for me ya!